When moms meddle: Friend disapproval worsens teen behavior

Bad teen behavior usually happens away from adult supervision, which means it’s easy for parents to blame others for their child’s delinquent behavior.

When parents believe that other teens are a bad influence, they may feel tempted to limit these friendships. However, a recent study suggests that this overbearing approach could be counterproductive.

Prohibiting friendships can backfire

A new study cautions parents – especially meddling moms – against prohibiting friendships, as such actions might worsen the very behavior they aim to correct.

The study was co-authored by Brett Laursen, a professor of psychology at Florida Atlantic University, and Goda Kaniušonytė from Mykolas Romeris University.

The researchers followed a diverse group of students, consisting of 292 boys and 270 girls aged 9 to 14, over the course of a school year.

The students completed surveys at regular intervals to measure their conduct, perceived maternal disapproval of friends, peer status, and classroom disruptiveness.

Maternal disapproval impacts teen behavior

The findings reveal that maternal disapproval of friendships in response to behavior issues can damage a child’s peer status, exacerbating the behavioral problems that mothers intend to address.

“Maternal friend disapproval has counterproductive consequences for behavior problems because of the deleterious impact it has on peer status,” explained Laursen.

The children, alienated from their peers, faced increased classroom disruptions and adjustment difficulties.

Results from the study indicate that when mothers intervened to restrict friendships, they inadvertently worsened their child’s relationships with peers, causing further issues in behavior.

The researchers found that classmates responded to maternal interference with increased disliking of the child, not just a reduction in popularity.

As a result, children who were subject to friend prohibitions often found themselves ostracized, with classmates distancing themselves to avoid ridicule.

The domino effect of prohibited friendships

The study also explored the potential for parents to unintentionally succeed in disrupting friendships.

“Imagine this scenario,” said Laursen. “A friendship ends because a mother prohibits it. Now the child needs a new friend. Who wants to be friends with someone who has an unpleasant, interfering mother?”

“Chances are good that friend options are now quite limited, and the child is forced to consider someone who also is rejected by peers; someone who has a hard time making friends.”

In many cases, the limited social options available to children after such interventions meant they were more likely to befriend classmates who exhibit the same behavior problems.

The pressure to conform to disruptive behaviors was heightened, compounding the very issues that the mothers had hoped to resolve.

Moreover, the loss of peer status led to increased distress, making it more difficult for children to develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Exclusion from social interactions with typically developing peers deprived them of the chance to learn and practice age-appropriate social skills.

Parental support improves teen behavior

“Mothers may think they are protecting their children, but in reality, their actions often push them further into undesirable situations,” Laursen noted.

This unintended consequence highlights the risks of direct interference in children’s friendships, especially when it involves cutting off ties with peers.

The study authors suggest that instead of prohibiting friendships, parents should focus on creating positive, supportive relationships with their children. This, they argue, may help buffer against the negative influence of troublesome peers.

“Parents should consider positive alternatives to friend prohibition,” said Laursen. “Focus on maintaining positive relationships with children, because warmth and support can be effective buffers against troublesome peer pressure, potentially disrupting the downward spiral of peer problems and adjustment difficulties.”

Encouraging constructive peer engagement

The researchers further advise that parents should encourage their children to engage in constructive peer activities within supervised settings.

Participation in clubs and other adult-sponsored activities could offer opportunities for positive peer interaction while minimizing deviant behavior.

According to Laursen, creating these positive environments for friendship can help children build healthier social connections without the need for restrictive parental interference.

Study co-author Goda Kaniušonytė added that parents’ well-meaning interventions often stem from concerns about their child’s behavior, but these efforts can have the opposite effect.

By limiting social opportunities, children may fall into a cycle of rejection and behavioral issues, making it harder for them to adjust in the long term.

The study is published in the journal Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.

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