Talking to kids about puberty: Why sooner may be better than later

Most parents agree that puberty is an important topic to cover with their kids. But when is the right time to start? And what’s the best way to approach it? These are questions many parents still struggle with.

A recent national poll by researchers at the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital sheds light on how families are handling this crucial stage of childhood.

The poll highlights some common uncertainties, such as the best age to start the conversation and whether to include topics like sex and reproduction.

When to begin the puberty talk

The results show that parents are split on when to begin the puberty talk. About one-third say it’s best to start before age 10. Others prefer to wait until their kids are 10 or older. This uncertainty can make it tough to know when to speak up.

“It’s easy to assume a child is too young for conversations about puberty, but many parents are surprised to find their tween already showing signs of puberty or asking unexpected questions about body changes,” said Mott Poll Co-Director Sarah Clark.

“Starting the conversation early gives parents a chance to shape the message in an age-appropriate way and help kids know what to expect, so they’re not confused or anxious. If parents don’t open the door to these talks, kids may get their information elsewhere, like from classmates, social media, or what they see on TV.”

Talking about puberty can be hard

Parents take different approaches to discussing puberty. Around half say they’re proactive. Two in five wait for their child to ask questions. A small group – about 5% – avoid the topic entirely.

There are also emotional hurdles. One in five parents say they worry about feeling embarrassed. Others fear saying the wrong thing.

Some parents of 10- to 12-year-olds say their child avoids the subject. Meanwhile, nearly a third of parents with 7- to 9-year-olds think their child is too young to understand. Clark suggests some of that hesitation might come from parents’ own childhoods.

While nearly half have shared their personal puberty experiences with their kids, fewer than one in three say they learned about puberty from their own parents. Over a third note that it wasn’t discussed at all in their home growing up.

“Whether they realize it or not parents may bring their own experiences into their parenting approach,” Clark said. “Many parents said they had little or no discussion of puberty when they were young. If puberty was treated as an awkward or embarrassing subject growing up, that can make it harder to know how to begin.”

The question of sex

One of the biggest challenges for parents is knowing how and when to talk about sex and reproduction. For some, this part of the conversation can feel even more overwhelming.

“Early conversations should focus on making kids aware that they will experience physical and emotional changes, and reassuring them that those changes are normal. Discussions about sex can occur over time,” Clark said.

She also points out that parents don’t have to do it all alone. Resources like parenting books, educational videos, and school health programs can help start the conversation or reinforce the message. Annual doctor visits may also provide a comfortable setting to bring up puberty-related topics.

Spotting the signs

About half of parents say they feel very confident in recognizing signs of puberty. Among parents of kids aged 10 to 12, that number jumps to 60 percent.

For younger kids, only 17% of parents say they’ve noticed changes. And fewer than one in three say they know what signs to look for.

Many parents also report that their children have brought up questions about their own bodies, their parents’ bodies, or puberty in general. These moments, Clark says, are great chances to open up the discussion.

Keep the conversation going

Puberty isn’t just a physical transition. It can also bring emotional changes that make open conversations harder. But that makes the need for communication even more important.

“Puberty isn’t just about physical changes – it’s also a time of emotional disruption, which can make open communication challenging,” Clark said. “Many tweens feel embarrassed or uncomfortable talking with their parents about these changes.”

“To help ease the discomfort, some parents may give their child an age-appropriate book or video about puberty and allow the child to explore the topic privately. Often, that leads to additional discussion with parents.”

In the end, the key is to make room for these conversations early – and to keep them going. By doing so, parents can support their kids through one of the most confusing and important transitions of their lives.

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