Social rejection teaches us valuable lessons about relationships

Picture this: you’ve just been left out of your friend’s wedding or were the last to get picked for a team. You are feeling a sense of social rejection.

While social rejection hurts, it also teaches us valuable lessons, according to a recent study from the University of Southern California (USC).

The study explores how rejection shapes our social interactions. It uncovers the brain’s role in helping us understand relationships – revealing why some bonds feel rewarding yet others do not.

Social rejection as a learning tool

Leor Hackel, an assistant professor of psychology at USC, explained the study’s unique focus. “We often study how rejection causes distress. But we know less about its role as a learning tool.”

The researchers set out to answer critical questions: How do these experiences refine our understanding of our social roles? How do they influence our perceptions of how others see us? Most importantly, how do they help us decide who deserves our time and effort?

Social bonds and the brain

According to the study, forming relationships relies on two key brain functions: learning from rewards and recognizing relational value, or how much others appreciate us.

Positive social interactions, such as smiles or compliments, act as rewards that encourage further connection. Similarly, recognizing when others value us – like a friend offering support – motivates us to deepen those relationships.

But these two processes don’t always align. A friend might miss your birthday party due to work but still value you deeply. Similarly, a job rejection doesn’t necessarily reflect your worth as a candidate.

“Our brains track these nuances,” said Professor Hackel. “Understanding this can provide insight into mental health issues like social anxiety or depression, where these signals may get misinterpreted.”

Social pain and rejection

To study these mechanisms, researchers designed a game mimicking real-life social interactions. College students – an ideal group to study due to their rapidly changing social networks – played the game while undergoing MRI scans.

Participants created profiles describing their trustworthiness, believing that others would evaluate them. They then acted as “responders” in an economic trust game, deciding whether to share rewards with hypothetical “deciders.”

Each interaction provided feedback on two fronts: whether a match was successful and how highly the participant was ranked. Brain scans revealed distinct neural pathways for processing these outcomes.

Rejection activated areas associated with social pain, while acceptance engaged regions tied to reward learning.

How the brain interprets feedback

The study’s computational models showed participants’ decisions were influenced by both outcomes and rankings.

For instance, someone who experienced a positive match and a high ranking was more likely to choose the same “decider” again.

The findings also highlighted differences in brain activity based on feedback type. Negative feedback triggered areas linked to social rejection, while positive experiences activated reward-related regions.

These insights shed light on how we process social cues. “Our study shows that people learn differently from the same feedback,” noted Professor Hackel. “This raises questions about how these variations influence our ability to form connections.”

Implications for social behavior

The research has profound implications for understanding mental health. For instance, individuals with social anxiety might struggle to recognize when others value them.

Similarly, people with depression may find it hard to feel motivated by social rewards, hindering their ability to form relationships.

“By exploring these neural pathways, we hope to develop better strategies for addressing these challenges,” said Professor Hackel.

“Understanding the science of social learning could improve interventions for those struggling with loneliness or relationship difficulties.”

Beyond the lab: Practical lessons

While the study focuses on brain mechanisms, its findings have practical implications. Recognizing that rejection doesn’t always reflect a lack of value can help people navigate social challenges more effectively.

For example, understanding that a missed invitation doesn’t necessarily mean someone doesn’t care can prevent unnecessary misunderstandings.

“Social rejection, though painful, can help us refine our understanding of relationships. It teaches us where to invest our time and energy,” said Professor Hackel.

Better social connections with rejections

The USC study highlights the complexity of human relationships. It reveals how our brains navigate the delicate balance of social acceptance and rejection, guiding us toward meaningful connections.

By understanding these processes, we can promote healthier relationships and support those struggling with social challenges.

Ultimately, while rejection may sting, it also holds the potential to shape us into better, more discerning social beings. As this research shows, even the pain of exclusion can serve as a powerful tool for growth and connection.

The study is published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

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