Sharing dark secrets can build trust in relationships

While many people harbor fears about sharing incriminating secrets with others, a new study from the University of Texas at Austin suggests that these fears are unfounded.

Researchers in the McCombs School of Business set out to investigate the dynamics of revealing negative personal information, both in personal and professional settings.

Key findings

The experts found a significant discrepancy between individuals’ fears and the actual response they receive upon sharing a secret. Contrary to expectations, the confidants exhibited a more charitable response than anticipated.

“When we’re thinking about conveying negative information about ourselves, we’re focused on the content of the message,” said study co-author Amit Kumar, assistant professor of marketing at Texas McCombs. “But the recipients are thinking about the positive traits required to reveal this secret, such as trust, honesty, and vulnerability.”

Unexpected outcomes 

The experiments revealed a consistent trend where participants expected harsher judgments than what they actually received upon revealing a dark secret.

“Keeping negative interpersonal secrets can diminish well-being, yet people nevertheless keep negative information secret from friends, family, and loved ones to protect their own reputations,” wrote the study authors. 

“Twelve experiments suggest these reputational concerns are systematically miscalibrated, creating a misplaced barrier to honesty in relationships.”

Honesty and trustworthiness 

The decision to conceal or reveal information is largely influenced by the expectations of others’ judgments. However, the study showed that revealing secrets often led to higher ratings of honesty and trustworthiness.

The consistency of miscalibrated expectations persisted across different types of relationships, including strangers and close family members.

Psychological relief 

The participants’ fears were amplified with the severity of the secrets, but the team found that even for darker secrets, the impact was overestimated.

“The magnitude of what you’re revealing can impact people’s evaluations, but it also impacts your expectations of those evaluations,” said Professor Kumar.

The research indicates that honesty not only improves perceptions among others but also provides psychological relief to the individual.

“Overestimating the reputational costs of disclosing negative information might leave people carrying a heavier burden of secrecy than would be optimal for their own well-being,” wrote the researchers.

Workplace interactions 

“There’s a psychological burden associated with secrecy,” said Professor Kumar. “If we can alter people’s expectations to make them more in line with reality, they might be more transparent in their relationships.”

Although none of the experiments were conducted in business settings, Professor Kumar noted that the lessons can be applied there.

“Any comprehensive understanding of how to navigate the workplace includes a better understanding of how people think, feel, and behave,” said Professor Kumar. “When workplace transgressions arise, people could be wise to consider that they also reveal warmth, trust, and honesty when they are open and transparent about revealing negative information.”

The study is published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

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