Many parents use threats to discipline children, but it's not effective in the long run

When young children misbehave, parents often face tough decisions on how to discipline them.

A new national poll suggests many parents resort to threats – from skipping dessert to Santa bypassing their house – to control challenging behavior. But are these strategies effective?

Threatening kids to discipline them

According to the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health, parents of children aged three to five are the most likely to use threats. About 25% admitted threatening that Santa might not visit if misbehavior continued.

Many parents also reported threatening to leave an activity or place, taking away toys, or skipping dessert as a consequence.

Surprisingly, nearly half of parents have turned to bribes to address difficult behavior.

Why discipline matters

“Discipline helps young children learn what behaviors are safe and appropriate and can play a crucial role in helping them learn the difference between right and wrong,” said Dr. Susan Woolford, Mott pediatrician and Mott Poll co-director.

However, empty threats may undermine trust and prove ineffective long-term. “Positive reinforcement and consistent discipline are more likely to shape long-term behavior,” Woolford emphasized.

Consistency for effective discipline in children

While half of parents rate themselves as “very consistent” in disciplining their children, many admit it’s a challenge. The report, based on responses from 725 parents with children aged one to five, found several common struggles:

• Children are too young to understand
• Strategies don’t always work
• Preventing public tantrums becomes a priority

Nearly a quarter of parents also confessed to getting irritated or reacting impulsively when misbehavior occurs. Fatigue and feeling overwhelmed often hinder consistency.

“It can be difficult to have a consistent approach to discipline without consideration and planning,” Woolford said.

“It’s important for parents to plan ahead and be on the same page with discipline strategies to provide a foundation for understanding expectations and prevent sending mixed signals about boundaries.”

How effective are current strategies?

Parents aren’t always confident their discipline strategies work. The poll revealed that two-fifths of parents believe their strategies are very effective, while three in five find them somewhat effective

Parents often seek advice from multiple sources, including the child’s other parent or family and friends. They also turn to parenting books, articles, and social media.

However, fewer than 20% of parents discussed discipline strategies with a healthcare provider. Alarmingly, one in eight parents admitted they haven’t thought much about their approaches.

Some also acknowledged using outdated or unadvised methods. For example, two in five parents sometimes spank their children, despite evidence linking spanking to increased aggression and defiance in preschoolers.

“Parents should avoid the temptation to rely on tactics that might yield short-term compliance but have negative effects later on,” Woolford advised. “Discipline strategies should be appropriate for the child’s age and developmental level.”

Age-appropriate discipline in children

Woolford highlighted the importance of tailoring strategies to a child’s age and development:

For ages 1-2:

• Distraction and redirection work best.
• Willful misbehavior is rare at this age, as children primarily explore their surroundings.

Parents of younger children in the poll were more likely to use redirection to address misbehavior.

For ages 3-5:

• Children begin testing boundaries and understanding how actions provoke reactions.
• Warnings, firm communication, and timeouts are common strategies.

Woolford emphasized the importance of logical consequences for preschoolers. For example, if a child spills a drink in anger, an appropriate consequence would be cleaning up the mess. Unrelated punishments are less effective.

“Consequences should be immediate, so the child understands the connection with their misbehavior,” Woolford explained.

Adapting strategies as children grow

Parents need flexibility when implementing discipline strategies. “As children grow, their responses to discipline will also change, so parents should adapt their strategies and stay open to new approaches,” Woolford said.

She also stressed balancing correction with positive reinforcement, such as praise and rewards. This approach helps children build self-esteem while learning from mistakes.

Rethinking approaches to discipline children

Threatening children may feel like an easy fix, but it often lacks long-term impact. Instead, parents should focus on consistent, age-appropriate strategies that emphasize logical consequences and positive reinforcement.

As Woolford highlighted, discipline isn’t about control – it’s about teaching. With planning, patience, and adaptability, parents can help children develop safe, appropriate behaviors that last a lifetime.

Information obtained from Michgan Medicine.

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