Being a 'good listener' won't help you change another person's mind

In an age of rising political polarization, many experts champion the power of dialogue. They suggest that if we just listen more empathetically, we might bridge divides, shift attitudes, and change minds.

Listening, it’s said, opens the door to understanding. But what if that door doesn’t actually lead anywhere?

A new study challenges this familiar idea. While high-quality, nonjudgmental listening does improve how people feel during conversations – reducing defensiveness and enhancing their opinion of the speaker – it doesn’t make persuasive messages more effective.

In fact, the research reveals that the content of the message, especially when delivered as a powerful personal story, does all the persuasive heavy lifting.

The study, led by Dr. Roni Porat of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, calls for a rethink of how we approach difficult conversations.

Putting listening to the test

This study didn’t just rely on lab experiments or theoretical arguments. Instead, it used a large-scale, real-world field experiment involving nearly 1,500 participants from across the United States.

These participants joined 10-minute video conversations with trained canvassers. The topic of discussion was in-state college tuition for undocumented immigrants, which is a current and deeply polarizing issue.

The researchers set up two distinct elements in each conversation. In some cases, the canvasser shared a persuasive, personal narrative about an undocumented immigrant.

In others, they did not. Separately, some canvassers practiced high-quality, nonjudgmental listening – actively reflecting participants’ views without judgment – while others canvassers took a more neutral, disengaged approach.

This randomized structure allowed researchers to tease apart the effects of message content and delivery style. After each conversation, they measured participants’ attitudes toward immigration policy, both immediately and again five weeks later.

The goal was to understand not only the short-term reaction but also whether any change lasted over time.

Personal stories change minds, not listening

The results were striking. Personal stories significantly and durably changed participants’ opinions. They reduced prejudice and shifted policy views in favor of undocumented immigrants. This persuasive impact endured for weeks.

But the addition of high-quality listening did not make the narratives more effective. Empathy improved the listener’s image but failed to deepen the persuasive effect.

“This challenges a foundational assumption in how we approach dialogue across divides,” said Dr. Porat. “While listening has clear interpersonal value, its role in changing minds may be more limited than previously thought.”

In conversations where no personal story was shared, listening alone did not produce significant shifts in opinion. The persuasive engine, it turns out, was the story itself.

Listening feels good but minds stay firm

For decades, scholars and practitioners have argued that empathetic listening is essential in difficult conversations. They believed it promotes cognitive processing, eases emotional defenses, and builds trust – all key ingredients for persuasion. But empirical testing of this idea has been scarce.

This research fills that gap. It shows that while listening may support cognitive engagement and improve interpersonal dynamics, it does not amplify persuasion when paired with a strong narrative.

That challenges one of the central assumptions in many dialogue programs, political canvassing strategies, and conflict mediation efforts.

The researchers also highlighted that listening improved how participants perceived the speaker. They felt heard, respected, and more open emotionally. Yet, these improved feelings did not translate into changed beliefs.

The study suggests that those hoping to shift opinions on contentious issues may want to focus more on what they say rather than how empathically they say it.

Rethinking how we persuade across divides

The implications of this study are wide-reaching. Activists, campaigners, and educators often rely on both storytelling and empathetic listening to shift deeply held views.

This research suggests that while listening might help build relationships, it is not enough on its own – or even as a booster – to change minds.

Sharing compelling personal stories remains one of the most effective tools for persuasion. They tap into empathy, humanize complex issues, and make abstract policies relatable. But adding high-quality listening to these stories did not enhance their persuasive power.

That does not mean we should abandon listening. The study affirms its interpersonal benefits. People feel more respected and less threatened when they are truly heard. This can create the kind of environment in which civil conversation becomes possible. It just may not be the game-changer for persuasion that many believed.

Listen to connect, not change minds

The takeaway is not to stop listening, but to better understand its limits. When we want to influence beliefs, especially on political or moral issues, message content appears to matter far more than delivery style. That’s a powerful insight for anyone trying to reach across divides.

The study makes it clear: if the goal is to connect, listen well. If the goal is to persuade, tell a powerful story.

The study is published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

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