FOMO: What are we really afraid of missing out on?

Have you ever had that gnawing feeling, that sense of unease when everyone you know seems to be at an exciting event, but you’re not? That sense of dread is known as “fear of missing out,” or FOMO, and it’s a growing phenomenon in our interconnected digital world.

FOMO is the perception that others are living better lives, having more fun, and just generally experiencing more than you. It’s a feeling that has intensified with the rise of social media platforms.

In fact, a survey by OnePoll revealed that as many as 69% of Americans have experienced FOMO at some point in their lives. The question is, why do we feel this way?

The roots of FOMO

New research from the Cornell SC Johnson College of Business has discovered that FOMO is driven much more by the potential impact on our future relationships than by missing out on the actual events themselves.

Essentially, we fear that missing out on group activities with friends could lead them to exclude us in the future.

Interestingly, the same study found that people who already have some level of social anxiety are more prone to experiencing FOMO.

Real source of FOMO: Social bonding

What makes FOMO even more interesting is that it’s not about missing out on events with strangers or unimportant social groups. Rather, it’s about fearing the loss of opportunities to bond with close-knit social groups.

Study co-author Jacqueline Rifkin is an assistant professor in the Samuel Curtis Johnson Graduate School of Management.

“FOMO is not about the missed event per se: If we miss a group dinner at a restaurant, we’re not really upset about the missed food and drink,” said Rifkin.

“What we’re upset about is the fact that we missed the chance to bond, connect and make memories.”

Social events and fear of missing out

Rifkin’s co-authors include Cindy Chan, an assistant professor at the Rotman School of Management, University of Toronto; and Barbara Kahn, a professor at the Wharton School.

Together, they conducted a series of seven experiments involving more than 5,000 individuals. The team studied real, recalled, and imagined FOMO when people missed out on social events such as concerts, retreats, or general social gatherings.

One of the experiments indicated that missing a major concert of your favorite performer can trigger some FOMO, but not too much. However, if your social group was at the concert and you weren’t, the FOMO is greatly amplified.

Similarly, if your social group attended a special event without much social bonding, like a solo meditation session, this also didn’t trigger much FOMO. On the flip side, missing out on stressful events that involve a lot of social bonding can spark significant levels of FOMO.

How to combat FOMO

The research provides valuable insights into ways to combat FOMO. For example, the researchers found that after seeing social media posts of missed social events, those who took a moment to reflect on past bonding experiences felt less FOMO.

“This suggests that reminding oneself of the meaningful relationships we already have can help mitigate the anxiety surrounding missing out,” Rifkin said.

Who’s most prone to FOMO?

Individuals who have a greater need for social connection, or who suffer from social anxiety, are more likely to experience FOMO.

These folks are also more likely to worry excessively about the social cost of missing events and might find themselves compulsively checking social media for updates.

“FOMO has significant implications for mental health. It has been linked to reduced well-being, compulsive smartphone use, and even distracted driving,” Rifkin said.

She noted that addressing FOMO is crucial in the context of the ongoing mental health crisis and the so-called “loneliness epidemic.”

Focus on mindfulness and strong bonds

This research calls for a broader understanding of FOMO. It’s not just a phenomenon impacting young social media users, but anyone in a valued social group. It’s an essential insight that underscores the importance of social bonding.

Plus, identifying these specific triggers of FOMO paves the way for future research to design and test coping techniques and strategies.

“Developing strategies that help us challenge our beliefs about the negative consequences of missing out could potentially help,” Rifkin said.

“For instance, based on our results, encouraging individuals to engage in mindfulness practices and focus on the strong relationships we currently have could be one way to stave off FOMO. Ultimately, reminding ourselves that we belong, and not getting carried away with what could happen to us, can help.”

So, the next time you feel FOMO creeping up on you, remember: that unease is less about the event you’re missing, and more about the fear of missing out on meaningful social bonding.

The study is published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 

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